Motherhood and Children

A friend found this awesome article online and shared it on Facebook. I am so glad I read it. My heart started beating faster and the tears were on their way (though I surprisingly was able to keep from crying). I have been looking for words to describe the feeling I get when I hear a parent speak to their child in a way that communicates what an incovenience they are. Or, the sinking feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when someone close to me tells me that kids will cause me more trouble and pain than they are worth and that I just shouldn't have anymore. I know it is a lie straight from the pit of hell (even though it still stings). I know that a child is one of God's greatest gifts and I am blessed beyond belief to have received this call of Motherhood.

I hope you are inspired, empowered, encouraged, and even a little challenged by this article. I sure was!

Motherhood is a Calling (and where your children rank)

Genesis 1:1-2 and Chills

I like to try to get out of bed before my kids so I can have some very still, quite time with the Lord in the morning. I haven't been doing this lately because of sleep deprivation. However, it is a discipline I hope to return to soon. A couple of years ago I was awake pretty early it was very still, very dark, and very quite. I listened to a few worship songs through my headphones and then opened my bible. I was at the beginning because I was starting a "through the bible" reading plan. I didn't get very far before I was floored. Genesis 1:2 says,

"Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters."

I have read that verse before. This time though, it gave me chills (in a good way). Just meditating on that and thinking about the fact that the earth was a whole lot of nothingness (besides water) and blackness and there was God, his spirit "hovering." What an awesome picture of God as creator! I am so humbled to serve the God of the universe in His precious son's name, Jesus Christ.

Almost August 5th = Anxiousness

I can't believe it went from two weeks to one week and now to just a few days so quickly. There were definitely times when it seemed like it was crawling by but now that it is so close to being here it feels like it went really quick. When I talk to the nurses and doctors about what all to expect then I can feel my heart starting to beat fast and sort of get that adrenaline rush feeling. I still feel totally at peace about how everything is going to proceed and know that God is in control of it. But, my body is still going through this nervous, anxious feeling that I think is just a physiological response that is natural because of the way God made human beings. My question to God is...What do I do with it? After praying through that for a couple of days I believe that He wants me to harness and channel those feelings into deeper reliance on Him. Specifically focus on memorized scripture and prayer when I start to have those feelings all the way up to, during, and even after delivery. Ok really I should be specifically focusing on scripture and prayer all the time. It makes me think of things I have heard people say about fasting from food. I have heard that when the hunger hits it is a physical reminder to stop and pray and rely more on God. So, in my case, I am not hungry but I am nervous and anxious so I see that as a physical reminder to shift my focus back to God through prayer and scripture.

Hair

Have you ever had your hair touch your belly before? You actually may not notice and I almost didn't because I wear it up so often but my hair is long enough to touch my belly. There is something I know you couldn't sleep without knowing! :-) I was joking with some of my friends while they were visiting the other day and saying that I need to start blogging about every random thing that I can think of just to add a bit of humor (and make people wonder if I had lost my mind). So, there you have it. {hee hee}

Making the Most of It

I love, love, love the beach and want so badly to go whenever we have the chance. Around this time last year, we took a trip to the beach and besides getting some cute photos and sparse moments of relaxation it was pretty much a horrible experience. I can't even remember too many specifics but I know we ended up arguing and then just packed up and left mad. Apparently, two kids, sunscreen, sand, and two stressed out parents doesn't make a lovely combination for the beach. I was truly disappointed that our trip to the beach wasn't all beautiful and fun and I kept asking myself it's the beach, why can't we just make the most of it instead of getting all stressed out. God revealed to me one word...immaturity. The more I prayed about it the more convinced I was that we were a really immature couple who just was not able to respond well under stressful circumstances. After a few more stressful situations where we responded in a less than desirable manner, I started really asking God to mature us and give us the strength to respond well no matter what the situation is. I want so bad for us to be able to make the most of our time and see the blessing in everything...even a less than desirable situation. Now, from a hospital room where I have spent the last 3 1/2 weeks and will spend the next week awaiting the c-section birth of our 3rd child I can proudly celebrate what God has done in maturing us as a couple through the experiences leading up to this hospital stay and the hospital stay itself. We are making the most of it despite it being a less than desirable situation. We certainly have not "arrived" by any means because we still need plenty of work. But, God has moved us from a place where we were unable to make the most of a beach trip to a place where we are making the most of a month long hospital stay. I am so grateful and celebrate the wonderful work God is doing in our lives. I was talking to a minister from our church the other day and he was encouraging me and telling me that God can use this and we will be a stronger couple on the other side of this experience. That prompted my memory that I had been praying for us to become a more mature couple. It never ceases to amaze me how creatively God answers prayers.

Sacrifice the Unknown

Day 10 in the hospital-
When I first arrived here and learned that I might be "here for a while," I knew that I needed to make the most of the time. Up until about day 8 I had no anticipation of going home soon and was just hanging out making the most of it. On Day 8 there was some talk of possibly letting me go home and managing me outpatient. Yesterday (Day 9), the doctor committee decided that due to the fragility that it was safest to keep me longer (a couple of the nurses have affectionately labeled me as their little time bomb). Between day 8 and day 9, I started to become somewhat anxious wondering if I would go home soon, if I did would it safe for me and the baby, and then about 800 more questions flooded my mind. That night, I laid back trying to focus on baby Garrett and listen to his heartbeat on the monitor. I couldn't because my mind was absolutely racing. I know and trust that God is in control. I KNOW that His timing is always perfect. It is the not knowing the details that sends my mind in all crazy directions sometimes. The more I prayed about it the more I became aware of the fact that all of the unknown can be a unique sacrifice to God. It is an opportunity to take every unknown and give it up to God in total dependence and trust in Him. So, I got out my journal and listed some of the more pressing 800 questions I have on my mind. Some of them were:

Will I go home soon?

Will it be safe for me and baby?

If I go home, how in the world am I going to continue to be on bed rest?

Will we get plan Garrett's birthday or will this turn into an emergency situation either at the hospital or later on at home?

How pre-term will Garrett be or is there a chance of getting to term at this point?

Will me and baby be safe all the way through delivery?

Then I prayed offering all of this and more up to God and accepting the fact that I am not in control and that I trust His perfect plan. I asked him to take the anxiety from me and give me His peace. Praise God! He has been glorified through my sacrifice and worship of Him through this time. He is always faithful and has blessed me with peace again.

Keeping A Record Of Wrongs

While studying 1 Corinthians 13 love something struck me. I realized that I didn't understand how all encompassing the phrase that says "keeps no record of wrongs" is. I tend to think of it as actually keeping a mental note of what exactly was done wrong and then bringing it up in a later disagreement. I think it is that but I also think it is withholding love or acts of kindness and love because of how my feelings have been hurt by something done to me wrong or something done wrong in general. For me, this strikes home in a huge, huge way. I first noticed it with my kids. I find that sometimes (even when they are not doing anything wrong) I am a bit snappy and my tone of voice is not very loving. They are doing everything I ask them to do but I am still being a bit brash and bossy instead of gentle and loving. God is so gracious to bring this to my attention and make me ask myself why I am being short with them. When I start to pray about it and dig down to the root of the issue, God has shown me over and over that it is unresolved conflict. It is something that happened earlier that day or even the day before that has left me with a bad attitude toward them. This is a prime example of keeping a record of wrongs. Instead, I need to fully resolve the conflict and choose to forgive them for it in the moment so it does not keep feeding negativity into our lives. This may sound a bit simple but I didn't even realize I was doing this until God revealed it to me. Something would happen we would deal with it and move on. I really thought I was over it simply because I wasn't consciously thinking of the wrong. But, deep down it was still there unresolved and continued to play out negatively in our daily interactions. Immediately after I started noticing it with my kids I started noticing it with my husband. Sparing the gory details, we get in little spats don't really resolve them and try to move on. This leads to me being disrespectful and unkind to him. Lesson? I need a serious lesson on conflict resolution. Recommendations?

1 Corinthians 13 Love

"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails..." 1 Corinthians 13:1-8

God has been all over me about 1 Corinthians 13 love for about two months. I always know He wants to teach me something when the same theme keeps coming up in several (6 or 7) sources that I am reading or listening to independently yet within the same time frame. I love it that this is one of the ways God likes to get my attention. Of course, this prompts me to start paying a bit more attention. However, it doesn't necessarily make me "get it" any quicker (hence the 2 months). What I have learned is that there is no earthly, physical way that I can live out this kind of love without the example of Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit living in me. It brings to mind Galations 2:20, which I have adopted as my life verse.
"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." I don't want to live; I want Christ to live in me. I don't want to try harder; I want to let Christ do everything through me. But, I still haven't quite figured out exactly how to do that. I have some nasty old flesh patterns and am self-seeking a lot of the time, whether I realize it or not. Yet at the same time, I know and completely trust that my God is faithful and if I cry out to Him in prayer and ask for the strength and guidance, He will provide.

2009 Highlights and 2010 Goals

Speaking of 2009, it happens to be the best year of my entire life, praise God! I realized my highest and holiest calling is to be a Godly wife and mother to the wonderful husband and children of mine. My husband and my family are my own personal ministries that God has blessed me with. I thank God so much and at the same time realize my total dependence on Him because I could not do it without His spirit alive in me.

I began working my part-time schedule (2 days/wk) in January and have been overjoyed with the additional amount of time I get to spend shaping and influencing my children's lives. I am so in love with holding them, staring into their faces, and playing with them instead of being separated from them all day.

In addition to the increase in family time, we also now have more time (and energy) for ministry opportunities since I am only working part-time. 2009 was a year of giving and serving in some additional areas and NOT get all stressed out about it. We did a fairly decent job of it and were blessed to be a part of a couple ministry events that we have never before been a part of (Cobb Pregnancy Services Fundraising Banquet, DNOW). I can't wait to get even more involved in 2010!

2009 was also a year of God teaching me a LOT about relationships. He has used my earthly relationships to show me in tangible ways some of what it means to have a meaningful relationship with Him. For example, as much as I long to have conversation and companionship with my girlfriends, He longs to have that with ME. I definitely have the need for that girlfriend companionship still but I have tried to channel that desire more toward God and focus more on my relationship with Him.

I loved, loved, loved 2009, and hoping that 2010 is even better. I am really looking forward to what God has planned for us this year. That said, I did write down some goals. Not so much resolutions and not so much only for 2010. These are more like lifetime goals or seasonal goals that would be appropriate for whatever season of life God has me in. So, here are my 2010 goals:

• Treat my relationship with God as the top priority in my life and continue to walk and grow in Christ.
• Display the fruits of the spirit more on a moment by moment basis with husband, children, and others.
• Be more fruitful in different areas of ministry. Look for opportunities to step out of my comfort zone to serve or witness.
• Manage my time more efficiently and drop activities that are non-productive. Scheduel one-on-one activities with the children and focus on date nights with hubby.
• Read a book a month at least. I have to now for the mentor program so I have proven that I can do it. The goal is to keep doing it after the mentor program ends in June.
• Pursue becoming a Stephen Minister (this could be interesting...With God, all things are possible)
• Do not eat out more than once every two weeks.
• Eat healthier and exercise more.

Thanksgiving

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving morning cooking Turkey and a few sides. We headed to The Snow's house later that afternoon and continued the celebration! Thanksgiving morning it hit me that I wanted to be more intentional about Thanksgiving, especially on Thanksgiving. So, I decided to write down each thing that I consciously said thanks for all throughout the day. It is so easy for me to think, of course I am thankful for this or that but to truly be intentional about it and say a prayer of thanks for those things throughout the day is something all together better. So, I wrote down this list all before about 1:00 p.m. Then, we headed out for the day and I got distracted so I didn't write anything else down. I can't stand that I failed again and let distractions get in the way of being intentional in Thanksgiving but I am a work in progress. God is not finished with me yet!

• Jesus
  
• Braedon's red hair
  
• Kaley's smile
  
• Family and friends
  
• Great relationship with in-laws
  
• My wonderful husband
  
• Joy
  
• Grace
  
• Lovely
  
• Leanne's surgery went well and over with
  
• Andrew had safe travels
  
• All things marriage especially marriages I know of that have been through it and are sticking it out and trying to make it better
  
• Running water
  
• Dishwasher
  
• My husband's cooking skills

Brisk Air and Dead Leaves

Braedon and I enjoyed some time outside this morning. As soon as we walked out the door I thanked God for the change of the seasons. The brisk air and dead leaves means that it is most definitely Fall. I am usually an extremist so I am surprised that neither Winter nor Summer are my favorite seasons. Instead, I prefer Spring but Fall comes in a very close second. Yet as much as I was enjoying the cooler air and other changes the new season brings, I was a little saddened by the fact that soon the plant life would die. God quickly snatched that sadness away by showing me that the seasons changing is an example of my creator showing me how new life will come from death and start all over next year. This is so parallel to how He tells me everyday is a new day and to die to myself and have new life in Christ Jesus. Life from death...God is AMAZING!

Cobb Pregnancy Services - 2009 Fundraising Banquet

A few months ago, I had the neat opportunity to visit Cobb Pregnancy Services. We toured the facility and listened to the director share amazing stories of God's work through this ministry in bringing people to Him while saving and changing lives. The center provides assistance and education to those who have an unplanned pregnancy while helping their clients realize the value of their life and the value of the life they have created. Additionally, they provide abstinence and lifestyle education. All while sharing the Gospel!

After the visit, I received a newsletter including an announcement of their 2009 fundraising banquet. I noticed that Janet Parshall was going to be speaking and thought what neat opportunity to go listen to her speak live. Soon after that I was cleaning out lots of stuff from our house and delivered some donated baby items to CPS. It was then that I spoke to Lori about the fundraiser, one thing led to another and now I find myself a table host at the 2009 fundraising banquet!

My heart has been deeply touched by this ministry and I am very privileged to be in this role as a table host at their 2009 fundraising banquet. This is a little outside my comfort zone and I am left with one huge doubt and that is that I will not be able to confirm any guests. However, I keep hearing God tell me to be a faithful servant in this role and He will bring whoever He wants to bring.

Matthew 11:28

"Come to Me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest."

Wow, what an awesome promise from God! A few days ago, weary was the only word I could think of to describe the way I was feeling. Everything with Braedon was a struggle. These battles occurred over normal daily activities like getting dressed, changing diaper, eating dinner, brushing his teeth, and going to bed, just to name a few. Braedon was getting over his second bout with Strep Throat. Kaley came down with Pinkeye and a Sinus Infection. Andrew had just gotten over being sick and I was getting sick. Our house quickly lost it's usual peacefulness and so did I. In thinking about how I was feeling and why, I found this verse and decided it was rather appropriate to meditate on, memorize, and study this week.

I am not complaining about my life. I LOVE my life, my God, my husband, my kids, my home and I thank God for them everyday. Though, life's circumstances do tend to become a little difficult at times and God gently reminds me that I need Him, more than ever, to give me strength, grace, and rest to finish the good race.

Next Generation Women's Mentoring - Assignment 1

Launch night of the mentoring program is coming up this week and will include a time of sharing the vision for the ministry, testimonies, group introductions, sharing family pictures, and sharing our answers to the following questions.

1. At the end of this mentoring year, what would you consider a successful mentoring experience to be?
I am hoping that by the end of this mentoring year I will be better equipped with practical disciplines and real-life wisdom in order for me and my family to grow closer to God and manage life better.

2. What would you like God to do in your life during this year together?
I would love for God to teach me how to let Him guide me every minute of every day. In answering this question, I thought about the areas of my life I was struggling in and need God's direction. I thought about the areas that I excel in and how God may want to use me. I thought about how much I want to bring glory to Him in all I do. This can all be answered by seeking Him and following His lead every minute of every day. However, sometimes I just don't know how that plays out in everyday life.

This is the family picture that I will be sharing.

Being A Life-Giver V/S Keeping It Real

I have been wanting to write this post for a long time because I have been struggling with what to share and what not to share with people in person, on Facebook, in blogland...wherever. I want so much to be a life-giver but I also want to be real, transparent. What does being a life-giver mean? To me, it means speaking only words that are meant to build up instead of tear down. It is having eternal value conversations instead of meaningless chatter. It is having a spirit of joy and thankfulness instead of a spirit of complaining. What does keeping it real mean? It means that life isn't perfect and that sometimes I experience difficult situations or things don't turn out like I want them to. I think it is important to keep it real if I am to be completely transparent. It is super important to be a life-giver if I want to represent Christ-likeness. I have yet to find the absolute answer but I think that it is possible to keep it real with a life-giving spirit. I must always be extremely aware of my tone and attitude when speaking of anything, especially difficult topics. I want to be intentional and seek to glorify God with my words, at all times, even if I have to keep it real. To those closest to me, please hold me accountable in this!

Hebrews 4:13

I think that I might have somewhat of a groove for my accountability bible study with my friend Michelle. At first I would pretty much wait until the end of the week, hurry to memorize it, and try to come up with some thoughts so that I could blog about it. However, now I am meditating on it and memorizing it bit by bit and day by day throughout the week. This has proven to be much more fruitful.

"Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account."


This verse really sums itself up but sometimes I read scriptures like these and think it is so important yet shouldn't really be all that hard to understand. However, lots of times God's word is difficult for me to understand and apply. Although I can hardly wrap my mind around the fact that God is omniscient, I believe it completely. There are lots of things about God that I can not wrap my mind completely around and I praise Him for that because I don't really want a God that can be completely understood by my human, feeble mind. In being omniscient, God is all knowing and all seeing. He not only sees my actions but also the thoughts and motivations behind them too. He sees and knows all, discerning my heart attitude. The idea that God already knows everything is understandable but the verse goes onto say that everything will be uncovered and laid bare... This made me think about how sometimes I try to cover up my actions with reason. I think that I can be the judge of how I should or should not act, depending on the circumstances. Yet, part of being humble before God is realizing that I don't have the right to make that kind of judgement. I am called to be obedient and glorify God with my actions, despite my circumstances. When I stand before the Lord and give account, He is going to hold one person responsible for my actions...ME. Dear God, please take from me the desire to serve myself first and fill me with the desire to serve You first, being your good and faithful servant.

Be Near Me To Be Like Me

I spend a lot of time in this rocker, whether to cuddle for no reason or to comfort a hurt of one of my babies. Today while I was cuddling with Kaley in the rocker, Braedon scooted over his kid's chair right next to me. At the time I didn't think a whole lot of it. A couple of hours later when I returned to the room and saw the chairs sitting there together, I realized how special it was that he had pulled his chair right up next to mine. I sat in the rocker again, feeding Kaley, and trying to recall his manner when he did it so I could try to discover his motive. Though I could not recall any specifics, I concluded that he either wanted to be near me or wanted to be like me. God has taught me so much about having a relationship with Him through relationships with my children. This is one of those times. God wants me to scoot my chair right up next to His to be near Him and become like Him.

Tina's Big Resolution for 2009

I will admit it openly and freely, I love to relax in the evening with a glass of wine, preferably red but anything will do when I want wine. I also love wine with dinner. However, I find that it is the type of thing that will find its way into my life and control me unless I control it first. Also, I find that just one glass makes me tired, edgy, sluggish, etc...and I can't afford to be sluggish when I have two small children that I am trying to give the best upbringing to that I can. Braedon and Kaley need to be able to depend on mommy and I don't want anything to take part of myself away from them, except for God and my husband. So, as I thought about resolutions for 2009, I took the advice of my Sunday School teacher who encouraged us to search God for an area of our lives where He wanted to instill discipline. This was clearly it for me...no doubt about it. So, I committed to not drinking any alcohol for the remainder of 2009 (we were already in the first week of 2009 when I decided this). I decided that I wasn't going to drink any alcohol as opposed to just wine so that I wouldn't fall into the trap of developing a habit drinking some other type of alcohol. The day that I made the decision, I made myself a little index card that listed a few bullet points of why I didn't want to drink at all anymore. I did this so that if I had a craving I could just pull out the card and remind myself of all the reasons I don't want to drink anymore. The reasons are: takes time away from God, increases irritability with my family, and wastes money & calories. Almost two months down the road, and I can say with sincere honesty that, I have not craved any type of alcohol a single time since then. I am not naive enough to think I won't be tempted but I know that God is building my strength and reassuring me that if I step out on faith that He will step in. Then, when I am tempted, I will be more able to overcome the temptation. Please don't get me wrong, I do NOT think drinking alcohol is a sin. What I do think is that everyone should evaluate what the decision to drink alcohol does for their life, be intentional, and act accordingly. This is just my feeble and humble attempt to live a life of transparency in an effort to glorify Jesus Christ.

What's In A Name

I decided on the name "Life, Love, and Laughter" because these are three of the most precious gifts from God that get sweeter and sweeter the closer I grow to Jesus Christ. My Life didn't really start until I started living for Jesus Christ. I didn't really know what Love was until I came to know Jesus Christ. I didn't laugh much until I came to know Jesus Christ. I was very selfish and uptight with a distorted perception of reality and seriously thought the world owed me something. God extended his grace to me and I now realize that I owe it all to Him!

Slow Fade - December 9, 2008

Earlier this year, I heard a 2-part series from North Point Community Church called “What Went Wrong?” The series was about King Solomon and how God blessed him with wisdom yet he made a series of unwise decisions that ultimately led him far away from God. The sermon series was so powerful to me because if Solomon was the wisest man on earth and he ended up spiritually dead and miserable than it would be very easy for me to end up that way. Especially considering that sometimes I don’t realize the full implications of my decisions before it is too late, which is what happened to King Solomon.

These decisions could seem like minor deviations from what God would have me do or more of just flirting with sin rather than out and out disobeying God but even that is a step in the wrong direction. If I continue to take several small steps away from God, one day I will wake up and find myself far away from Him, crying out “How did I get here?”

This sermon series has come to my mind quite often over the past year but I am reminded of it once again and quite a bit stronger whenever I hear the song “Slow Fade” by Casting Crowns. I also love how intricately God ties this into my Sunday school class mission, which is to be purposeful. I need to be purposeful in all of my decisions or “black and white will turn to gray”, as the song says. Ultimately, it will become easier to make unwise decisions and I will begin to “fade”. The song also says, “be careful little feet where you go for it is the little feet behind you that are sure to follow.” These words are so powerful (for obvious reasons).

In case anyone is interested in hearing the sermon series you can download an MP3 by following the links below.
http://resources.northpoint.org/store/shop.do?cID=59&pID=1546
http://resources.northpoint.org/store/shop.do?cID=59&pID=1547

-Tina