Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Elusive Sleep and Gifts from God

It is the middle of the night, I finally fell asleep and am awakened by the baby crying. I don't feel like I have slept that long. I look at the clock...1:45 a.m. Ugh, I just went to sleep at 11:30 and it has only been 3.5 hours since the last time he ate. I should let him cry for a few minutes maybe he will go back to sleep. I can't let him cry, he might wake up my husband (since we sleep in the same room). So, I run over there and insert paci and then hop back in bed begging him (in my head) to go back to sleep. He doesn't so I get him up to eat and then we go back to sleep. Awakened again by the baby crying. Ugh, what time is it now?... 4:45 a.m. He can't be hungry again. He is *five* months old...he should be able to go longer than 3 hours without eating, especially at night. Maybe he is going thru a growth spurt. Maybe his exczema is bothering him. Maybe he can't breathe since his nose is all stuffed up. Maybe he is ready to start solids. Can't let him cry too long because he might wake my husband. I run over there, insert paci, hop back in bed begging again for him to go back to sleep. He doesn't. So, I get him up to eat. He doesn't eat but is pacified so he is back in bed by 5:00. I fall back asleep quickly but am awakened by him fifteen minutes later. This time inserting paci works and I sleep for another 3 hour stretch when then it is time to get up for a full day with three kids and myself who don't feel good. I think about going straight from bed to the couch to sleep while the 4yo and 2yo watch a movie. Then I think how unfair that is to them. They deserve a mommy who is engaged with them. God reminds me that He has called me to be more than that for them. I start praying for God's strength to have a good day and glorify Him with our time together even on such little continuous sleep and not feeling too great.
"Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." Ephesians 5:15-16
God is so faithful and we had a wonderful morning beginning with prayer time and bible story, chores, a few activities, lunch...Ah, I made it...NAPTIME! I didn't lose my temper once. I wait for the two youngest to fall asleep. Then, me and the oldest quietly lay down in his bed (in the same room with 2yo). I am unable to relax enough to sleep and am becoming very angry. After about an hour my 2yo pops her head up. She and the 4yo start staring and smiling at each other. It is kind of cute but inside I am so angry and so tired. I just don't even say anything. Inside I know naptime is over and we just have to get on with the day. After a few minutes, the 4yo invites the 2yo over to the bed we are on. She looks at me and inside I think about telling her to go back to sleep. I thank God that out of my mouth came, "sure, honey you can come over here with us." She crawled up onto the bed and 4yo began to flip through our picture bible that had been laying on the bed (from bible story time earlier). He started *reading* (describing the pictures on each page) as my 2yo sat listening. I thought what a wonderful gift and how grateful I am for it. It is so much better than sleeping. I am still tired but God is so good to give me the strength and great gifts to keep me going through the day when physically I feel like I just can't do it.
"I can do all this through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13

1 comment:

Jennifer H said...

I needed this today. I'm so worn out sometimes. And, at times, I find it easier to zone in front of the computer while they watch tv because it keeps me from yelling or getting angry. But I should be trying harder to engage. Thanks for that reminder!