Thursday, July 15, 2010

Sacrifice the Unknown

Day 10 in the hospital-
When I first arrived here and learned that I might be "here for a while," I knew that I needed to make the most of the time. Up until about day 8 I had no anticipation of going home soon and was just hanging out making the most of it. On Day 8 there was some talk of possibly letting me go home and managing me outpatient. Yesterday (Day 9), the doctor committee decided that due to the fragility that it was safest to keep me longer (a couple of the nurses have affectionately labeled me as their little time bomb). Between day 8 and day 9, I started to become somewhat anxious wondering if I would go home soon, if I did would it safe for me and the baby, and then about 800 more questions flooded my mind. That night, I laid back trying to focus on baby Garrett and listen to his heartbeat on the monitor. I couldn't because my mind was absolutely racing. I know and trust that God is in control. I KNOW that His timing is always perfect. It is the not knowing the details that sends my mind in all crazy directions sometimes. The more I prayed about it the more I became aware of the fact that all of the unknown can be a unique sacrifice to God. It is an opportunity to take every unknown and give it up to God in total dependence and trust in Him. So, I got out my journal and listed some of the more pressing 800 questions I have on my mind. Some of them were:

  • Will I go home soon?
  • Will it be safe for me and baby?
  • If I go home, how in the world am I going to continue to be on bed rest?
  • Will we get plan Garrett's birthday or will this turn into an emergency situation either at the hospital or later on at home?
  • How pre-term will Garrett be or is there a chance of getting to term at this point?
  • Will me and baby be safe all the way through delivery?

    Then I prayed offering all of this and more up to God and accepting the fact that I am not in control and that I trust His perfect plan. I asked him to take the anxiety from me and give me His peace. Praise God! He has been glorified through my sacrifice and worship of Him through this time. He is always faithful and has blessed me with peace again.

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